when i becomes seafarer's wife

Everyday I struggle in living a life without him. From the moment I wake up, I think of him. I miss him. I miss our sweet mushy moments.

I usually spend my time day dreaming. I dream of the days that we had together. I dream of the days we will be together again. I dream of the time when we will be both happy and enjoying each other's company, enjoying the bliss of life. I dream of our life together, forever.

Everyday I wait for him. I wait for his call and for his text messages. My heart leaps every time my mobile phone rings, wishing it is him. And most of the times, I am rather disappointed after finding out that it is not from him

I stopped looking at the calendar. It adds agony in my misery to see that it will still be weeks and months before I see him and be in his arms again. I live in a manner of wait and see. Wait for the day to end and see for another bland tomorrow to come. Life is never the same without him here. It is him that I look forward every time I go home and every time I end the day with a prayer.

Many a times, I sit in a corner quietly pondering of how difficult life is without him. I live with only two words guiding me through: love and trust. 

I love him. I love him so much. I vow before God to love and care for him. I love to become his future wife that he can be proud of. I love to become the mother who will take care of his children. I love him. There is actually no   apt word that can describe of how I treasure him and of how much I love him.

waiting him from sea is always

I trust him. Although sometimes my trust crumbles. Please do understand. I am really having a difficult time adjusting in a life I am not really used to. It is difficult. Very difficult indeed. I smile at people although deep inside I am hurting. People see me happy and contented unaware of my everyday struggles of missing him, of not being able to see him and not even to talk with him.

I trust him despite of sometimes I want to give up. I trust him despite of the incredible and horrible stories I've heard from friends and wives of seafarers like him. I trust him and and I would like to trust him more.

I know that he is having a hard time there too. I pray for him. I pray for his safety. I pray for his love. I pray for our lives. I pray for our future. I want to grow old with him. I want to serve him more. I want to laugh with him again. I want to be with him in this journey called life.

He is my strength. He is my rock. In times I am troubled. I seek refuge in him by just thinking of how much he loves me. There I found my confidence again. The world may turn turbulent but I will always feel secure as long as I have him, as long as he loves me.

I pray that he will not change. I pray that he continue loving me. I pray that he will remain the man that I have known, the man I love, the man I cherish and behold. I love him so much. I love him always and forever.

crdt: when i becomes seafarer's wife

if u think..

"if you think being a mariner is tough, try being a mariner gilrfriend"

dah empat hari berturut kan En. S kol (kalo kat sana, time2 dia kol ni da malam). tipu la cakap tak hepy, ketawa bergurau macam la dia kol dari dekat2. 

walopon kalo kawan2 tanya, En. S ada kontek ke tak (kawan2 amik berat terlampau kan? best dapat kawan dgn korang yang caring gile!), saya akan jawab tade (sbb sejak2 ni susah En. S nak dapat line), dan sambungan jawapan saya adalah, takpela, saya paham keje dia bz n lagipun dia jauh. padahal, hakikat hari2 duk cas tepon walopon tahu takkan dia akan kol 3 bulan kebelakangan ni :'( 

marah2 curiga kat En. S pon, rindu oke. paling rindu waktu bangun pepagi buta tu nak g skola  =p

mood En. S kol sejak2 ni adalah membincangkan topik masa depan :) agak suprise bila dia da asik bersemangat cerita hal future. saya dengar dan layankan apa perlu dibuat bila dia balik nanti. tetibe pening, banyaknye keje nak kena buat  ~__~

En. S cakap saya da hepy sejak2 sebulan ni. makan pon da oke je. dlu cakap kalo dia pegi keje jejauh saya cakap tade selera makan la, sedih la, bole kurus la =p ye..itu dua bulan pertama masa dia pegi keje. memang kurus nye sampai orang cakap pesal kulit dan tulang je. skang da biasa kot. tetibe badan jadi berisi balik =D 

trus En. S cakap, dia saje sesorang duduk merindu hari2 sampai kurus. iyela tu, saya cakap bukan ke pasal makanan kat tempat keje x sedap kot, tu pasal xnak makan dan jadi kurus. dia jawab tade la, memang dia rindu sampai tak boleh disamakan dengan apa2 di dunia ni, tetibe dia menjiwang. 

"cinta saya tak berubah ibarat pantai, walaupon ombak besar datang melanda" jiwang oke ayat En. S, tapi yang tukang dengar senyum x ingat :)

pahtu bole plak En. S nak wat pertandingan sape paling kurus, maka orang tu la paling banyak merindu. ada ke pertandingan camtu? 

bile dia menjiwang x tentu pasal camni, saya plak yang terjangkit sayang dan rindu tu =p